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I have been friends with a woman, who has faced and conquered many hardships, and I respect her for that. However, she's constantly caught off guard by others. Her spouse walked away, which came as a massive blow. Several of close acquaintances vanished then, as they were focused solely on the spouse. This surprised her deeply. She made more effort in our friendship, and must have grasped more acutely what friendship was.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, several in her circle have disappeared leaving her knowing the cause. Her last employer turned on her, despite the fact that she had been an excellent employee, her exit happened not understanding the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

Recently, we have each left the workforce so we're spending time together, yet I realize the part I play in our friendship feels one-sided. I open subjects and she changes them to her own topics. Politically, she expresses strong opinions. I attempt to suggest factchecking or other angles.

She's been organizing a holiday to a nation I know well many times and lived in for some time. I tried to share insights, but this was unappreciated. She really just desired my agreement with her decisions. I have returned from a month in that country she is eager to reconnect, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling to act as a friend that walks away without a word, but I don't think she will ever understand the effect of how she acts on how I feel about myself. Right now, I find myself in distancing myself. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

You could end things abruptly, however, that approach is rarely a smooth outcome that we desire. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of working things out requires bravery and openness from both people.

Professional advice indicates trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step requires explaining how things go in your conversations. It should be as factual as possible and basically an unbiased account. Next involves sharing the way it leaves you feeling. There should be no disagreement here. Your feelings belong to you, naturally. The third step involves requesting how the two of you can shift the pattern of your friendship."

Consider your friend has a point of view, so you need to remain ready to hear that. A helpful technique involves stating your friend:

"Now you talk and I promise to remain silent for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably effective for promoting understanding.

Final Thoughts

This person may dismiss your concerns, since certain individuals cling to a “survival narrative”: they rely on a narrative regarding their experiences they won't abandon because their very survival depends upon it and it's all they've known. This poses a challenge because there's no thoroughfare in such cases, just dead ends. However, she might start out defensively then consider on your words. And should you never reach a resolution, it will give you peace from having been open and direct.